I am not a stranger to strange experiences, but in recent years, they have been growing in frequency. Not only have old kinds of unusual things intensified, but new ones are coming all the time as well. I would think, that nothing could surprise me anymore, but such is the nature of these experiences, that they continue to intrigue me.

Since the beginning of 2008, I´ve been experiencing a previously unknown to me and peculiar sensation. I´ve been feeling a presence of something strange inside of me. The sensation is so unlike anything I have ever experienced, that nothing from my past could prepare me for it. The best way I can describe it is that it feels like some kind of energetic, rhythmic wave movement inside my body. It feels like having a big ocean wave inside me, a wave, which is in constant, rapid wave motion, only it doesn´t feel watery, but… I don´t know what it´s made of. The closest is perhaps air. No, not even that, it´s even less dense than air. It feels like the wave, which is vibrating inside me, is made of… nothing.

It comes and goes, sometimes it´s gentle, other times it´s intense, to the point, that my entire body starts to sway back and forth, in rhythm to the motion within. I usually feel it only in my upper body, but when it´s very intense, I can feel it everywhere, including my legs and head. It seems to follow some pattern, it gets stronger when I am occupied with some particular things and weakens when I do something else. It also intensifies, when I sit still and it´s strongest when I lie down to sleep.

On the occasions when the sensation is intense, it´s also accompanied by an equally strange kind of perception. On the one side, I am my usual self, on the other side and paradoxically, at the same time, I am also this wave inside of me. It is a most unusual feeling having one´s identity split up in this way. How can I be both at the same time? How can I be inside of myself? It doesn´t make much sense and I am not sure what to make of it. I´ve never heard of anything like this before.

Sometimes, when the sensation is particularly strong, it becomes a bit scary. I jerk abruptly and sit up in my bed alarmed, because it starts to feel like I am on my way… out of myself. The strange wave vibrates stronger and stronger inside of myself, until it apparently is no longer confined just to my body and some parts of it (if one can use this expression about nothing), try to roll out to explore the surroundings or to do heavens know what. It´s such an alien feeling, that I find it scary.

I´ve heard of out-of-body experiences, but what I´ve been experiencing this last year differs from that kind of reports in almost every way. People who have OBE describe themselves in the experiences as some kind of ghostly creatures, who are in many ways copies of their physical bodies, with arms and legs etc., who leave their bodies occasionally. Nobody mentions anything as alien as a vibrating wave made of nothing and without any form, other than that of a wave.

Is it possible to be both one´s physical self and some wave motion made of nothing, at the same time? Can I be both matter and wave and experience both these states of being simultaneously? What does it all mean?
This strange sensation does however remind me of one thing, and quite a lot, too. While visiting some spiritual fairs I was able to watch the movement of my aura on screen, which is different than an aura photo, because on screen you can see how your aura moves. The aura hardly ever is frozen still like on the picture, but keeps moving, waving or pulsating, while at the same time the colors keep changing. The last time I saw my aura (February 2009) there was a lot of activity there, rapid and powerful movement, while at the same time there were many different colors and the colors were changing frequently, too. My aura looked a bit like a pulsating rainbow and "the aura man" wasn`t quite sure what to make of it, except he thought it was something very positive. The motion of my aura on screen looked exactly the same as the sensation of this mysterious wave thing inside of me feels to me, when I can feel it.

8 September 2008

Updated 28 September 2009

Psyche in Aquarius